A Shallow Cup
Religion is a shallow cup
It offers a drink to parched lips,
But does not quench my thirst
For me, religion is a shallow cup. It would never have the capacity to sustain growth or provide a space with enough room to hold all that there is—all that I am. Instead, it has put me into situations where I’ve told myself that if I could only be happy, things would work. Constantly bending so that fragile partnerships wouldn’t break. Yet, having this deep knowing that I was betraying myself and thus, a deep sadness that I couldn’t shake.
I’ve loved Yeshua (the man that we know as Jesus Christ) since childhood. I still love everything that he stood for and wholeheartedly believe most of his teachings. He was and is a radical figure who preached radical love and acceptance. I think, though, that this teaching gets misconstrued often and taken into a kind of martyrdom that stifles us and our lives. This Is not what unconditional love is. You should not be in relationships with people who constantly wound you while you play the part of the sacrificial lamb, the ever-faithful lover or friend.
To love someone unconditionally means that you see their imperfections, their pieces of perfect divinity, and everything in between. You see them in their entirety, and you love them for that wholeness. This is the bit that most people, me included, seem to get stuck on when it comes to unconditional love. We forget that those that we love are not the only people who deserve this perception and feeling. We forget that we deserve our own unconditional love just as much as everyone else who shares this planet with us.
This kind of love does not allow us to stay in places where we are not safe. It doesn’t allow us to break ourselves trying to make something work or hold someone else up. It isn’t sacrifice, battle, or struggle. It is ease. It’s boundaries. It’s strength. Whenever I got caught in this thinking myself, I remember reaching out to Jesus, asking him what to do about the situation that I’d been trying so hard to keep from crumbling by practicing this masochistic love that I’d mistaken for being unconditional. An ex who was abusive, controlling, and struggled with addiction. Someone that I thought I could love into changing and that I should endure in the name of love. After asking the question, in my mind’s eye, I saw Jesus washing his hands. At first, I didn’t understand what this meant. I had to research, and then it came to me. To wash your hands of something is to remove yourself from something and no longer take responsibility for something.
His struggles were and are not my responsibility. Just like the people in your life struggles are not your responsibility. We can choose to make them our own and I think that this is natural when you love someone, but they aren’t ours and sometimes unconditional love looks like leaving people to live out their own journeys rather than enduring the pain of being a part of them. Never forget that the person who deserves your unconditional love most is you.
Religion is a shallow cup to me because it often doesn’t offer space for one to move. Instead, it provides a neat box in which we should all fit in. One that is often full of misinterpretation; our own or another’s that we’ve taken on as the truth. We see it harm people when they try to contort themselves to fit in certain pieces of it that don’t fit who they are. Into teachings that are outdated and heavily patriarchal, like women should be submissive at all times and in every way, or teachings that are greater and have powerful pieces of truth in them, such as unconditional love.
When there are religious and spiritual teachings as vast as the open night sky, how could I not choose to explore the depths? To be fully myself, above all, is the greatest gift.
With all of my love,
-Elena
